Catchall: Ayabe

[shortfornow]

Comments

[kazokun]

[ What was he supposed to do with the tie? Put it away? He's tying it back on Dazai after he gets dressed later so he might as well keep it. He doesn't move from his spot against the desk, though; he can just watch for now and continue hating all those bandages. ]

I missed you. Why would I be dishonest about that? It was too quiet without you, and...

[ he frowns ]

...I couldn't stand being in this room anymore, when all it does is remind me that you aren't there.

[ So he went camping! Ayabe is great at running away from his problems. ]

[shortfornow]

[ His eyes widen for a moment, not expecting that. Or maybe he was hoping for a different answer

He really thought he was done with these emotions, but here they are taking root again with just those words.

Turning his attention to the bandages around his chest. He can at least alleviate what guilt Ayabe might be harboring from stabbing the fox and him. ]

I thought you would be glad to get some peace after that.

[ Bandages are off. All that's there are the old scars that he's familiar with already. No gaping rusty sword holes or cuts. ]

[kazokun]

I didn't get any peace. You made sure of that.

[ Making him regret and worry for all this time because he's DEAD.

Also, glitter. ]

[shortfornow]

[ Glitter was a distraction away from death. Can't kill if you're too busy crying cleaning.

The bandages are going to be placed on the desk. Turning around to let him check out his back in case he has any doubts. ]

There won't be peace this week, either. Blue is going to send us to the living side, but we'll still be ghosts.

[ Another week of being a ghost, Ayabe. ]

We just have today to rest.

[kazokun]

[ It was a bad time being a ghost who was able to die all the same, he got none of the benefit from being a ghost. But, ugh. What rest, when there are so many THINGS happening and he can't just lie there on the bed and do nothing and hope things stop soon.

He sighs, though, and goes to sit on the bed instead of leaning against the desk any longer. ]

We'll see what tomorrow brings, then. Are you going to answer my question?

[shortfornow]

[ He was hoping to distract from that topic, but it seems like Ayabe really is set on it. Sighing as he turns to sit on the edge of the desk. ]

He has someone who will remind him of his humanity, while you have someone else you can take care of. There's no need for either of you to be tethered to me.

[ He's keeping his expression neutral as he says that. ]

[kazokun]

Huh? Neither of us are "tethered" to you. I asked you to come because I worry about you and want to make sure you're okay.

[ It's less tether and more... him wanting to handcuff himself to Dazai so he doesn't go running off onto the train tracks or something. He already had to see Dazai die once; he doesn't want there to be a second time Dazai dies, because he was neglected. Even if Dazai says he wants to live- even if he earnestly means it- it's scary and hard to shake that worry. ]

[shortfornow]

Is it guilt, love, or your desire to take care of others?

[ Ayabe only has himself to blame about the "L" word in there.

Wrapping the bandages back around his midsection as he waits for Ayabe to answer. ]

[kazokun]

[ Why is the "L" word there

He doesn't immediately reject it, though, just sort of looks off to the side for a moment, thoughtful. ]

...Does it have to be just one thing?

[shortfornow]

[ Cause someone had that in their letter. Something about being with a family that loves him. ]

No, you don't have to pick just one.

[ Once his bandages are secured again, he'll move to the bed to grab his shirt, while being closer to the other. ]

It's just easier to understand if it's guilt or your need to take care of others.

[ The whole he may have actually grown attached to Dazai enough to regret not spending time with him or to even write that letter is something that's foreign. ]

[kazokun]

Or if I love you?

[ As if it's easier to understand if the reason is broken down to its simplest components, whatever they may be. But there's rarely ever one single reason for something like this. If there had to be just one, though, it would be this. ]

[shortfornow]

[ That's gay, Ayabe.

There's a noticeable pause in his actions before he slips his shirt back on. Already, he's trying to figure a way back out of this conversation. ]

Oh~ What's this? Don't you already have a boyfriend?

[kazokun]

[ Shut up. There's a moment where it looks like he's about to deny it purely by reflex, but he can't bring himself to do it. Everybody was supposed to be blind and deaf and not know?? Dazai isn't supposed to be able to know. ]

Does that matter? You're an idiot if you believe the only love is romantic love.

[ there's also love! for family!! like his L word in the letter!! ]

[shortfornow]

[ It was on the screen and it was so embarrassing, Dazai felt a whole embarrassment at it.

He just sighs as he sits down next to Ayabe on the bed. ]

It might matter to me.

[ They might as well get this out of the way. ]

I don't know if I'm capable of that kind of love or any other.

[kazokun]

[ STOP that's Ayabe's embarrassment, he's not sharing it. ]

That doesn't matter. Love doesn't have to be mutual, or equal... It can be something that grows over time too. I can love you, even if you don't love me back.

[shortfornow]

[ WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING LOVE ]

Is that so? What if I tell you I want to try kissing you?

[kazokun]

[ THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT OKAY let him live ]

That's not going to do anything. You don't fall in love with somebody after you kiss them, that's backwards.

[ They are also! not talking! about that sort of love!! ]

[shortfornow]

I know that. I thought it might not be bad to try it with someone who actually loves me instead of a silly game.

[ He's curious about what the big deal is.

Also any of these loves are something very ???? for him ]

[kazokun]

[ We are really doing this to Chuuya, huh ]

You kissed somebody during a game? What?

[shortfornow]

They kissed me. She was going to kiss my cheek but tripped.

[ It was stupid. Very stupid ]

[kazokun]

[ That already sounds stupid, and he shakes his head. ]

And nothing changed, right? It's just going to be like that, whether it's with me or with her.

[shortfornow]

Nothing changed with me, but she's new. You're someone I've slept beside and grown to trust.

[ In whatever this is. Friendship? ]

[kazokun]

...This is stupid. What are you going to do if you learn how to love after kissing me?

[ THIS SOUNDS MESSY. He doesn't want to be a part of this mess. ]

[shortfornow]

[ it's already messy.

there's a pause as he considers it before he just waves a hand. ]

I doubt it'll be possible.

[kazokun]

[ Terrible. ]

Close your eyes. Keep them closed.