shortfornow | Catchall: Ayabe

[ Room sweet room... It's been several days since he's been "here" and all of this bothers him immediately and immensely. It would never have gotten this bad if he were there to pick up after Dazai, and the first thing he does is make a beeline to that desk to clean it up. ]

Hand me the trash bin...

[ He picks up the balled up rough drafts but opens the pages out, because keeping them balled up wastes so much space and would fill up the bin too quickly /: How do you live like this, Dazai, no wonder you don't stay here anymore. ]

[ He studies him for a moment as he locks the door after them. Is he doing this because he needs to clean asap or is he trying to avoid anything they may have to talk about?

Grabbing the trash bin to put it near Ayabe before he leans against the edge of the desk. The rough drafts are emoji doodles with their meanings beside them. It looks like he was practicing how to translate. One of them has Reito at the top and another has Chuuya's name.

It's going to be similar to what was on the letter to Ken, but the meanings are written out... is he going to snoop? ]

You really haven't changed at all.

[ It's only been a couple of weeks, but sometimes it felt longer. And seeing all of that on the screen, well... ]

[ Multiple public freakouts aside, at least the death feels unreal because he's not dead, in any eternal way. A nightmare is more of what this whole thing feels like, easy to ignore and put out of mind if he focuses on the mundane and the routine. ]

Why would I change? I'm still me.

[ For better or for worse. He smooths the papers back out on the desk so he can stack them before sliding them into the trash bin, but he does pause when he sees his name. It's his, he can snoop. ]

Have you been doing okay over here? It looks like you've been kept busy.

[ Don't forget an embarrassing confession that all of ~~china~~the graveyard knows about.

He's going to shrug out of his coat and toss that on the bed before working on his tie. ]

You did go through quite a bit in that short time.

[ It's going to be similar to Ken's with emoji's and numbers, but there's an actual translation.

Reito
The photo is from a photo album.
The dead aren't fully dead, which is why they can't talk to us with the ouija board.
We will be fully dead when the house eats us. (There's a note here about joining the rest of the ghosts)

I want to live so I'm doing what I can from here

Tell Chuuya he's the biggest idiot.
I'm not going home with you two

Looks like there's something scribbled out at the bottom. ]

[ NO in both Ayabe's mind and my own, everybody was conveniently deaf and blind and nobody knows about that. Also I'm closing my eyes at the emojis for "Dazai No Return Home" Ayabe doesn't know which part to frown at most, so he just squints at what he can from what's been scribbled out, and if he can't figure it out, he folds this note up and puts it in his pocket. His now. ]

You went through a lot too.

[ But he changed. Ayabe looks over his shoulder at him. ]

You have other plans after this? I was hoping to take you home.

Getting stabbed is nothing new.

[ He's not even going to touch on any of the emotional stuff that happened while he waited for his death. Vulnerable moments? Don't know it. ]

Everything here has been pretty quiet.

[ Much quieter than what he's gotten used to. Much quieter than what is good for someone who needs distractions or something to engage with to keep from letting his thoughts wander. Not that he's going to share that with the other.

Putting his tie across Ayabe's shoulder. ]

I'm going back to the original plan. I decided to go back to the Mafia.

[ So we're going to ignore the whole kitsune shape shifting thing pre-stab, alright, cool. Ayabe take the tie and just... drapes it over his own shoulders like a scarf, I guess, why is Dazai giving him this? Better than tossing it on the floor, though.

He turns so he can lean against the desk and face Dazai. ]

...Because it's a more interesting life than what I can offer?

[ A safe space, but a boring one. Dazai would probably lose his mind in two days. ]

[ Yeah, ignoring that completely. The monster was it's own thing.

Just going to start unbuttoning his shirt, as he glances at the tie on Ayabe. He thought the other would have done something else with it. ]

No, but I'll tell you if you're honest with me.

[ Shrugging out of his shirt and tossing it over on the bed. Did he miss seeing all of those bandages? They are all there. ]

Did you actually miss me?

[ What was he supposed to do with the tie? Put it away? He's tying it back on Dazai after he gets dressed later so he might as well keep it. He doesn't move from his spot against the desk, though; he can just watch for now and continue hating all those bandages. ]

I missed you. Why would I be dishonest about that? It was too quiet without you, and...

[ he frowns ]

...I couldn't stand being in this room anymore, when all it does is remind me that you aren't there.

[ So he went camping! Ayabe is great at running away from his problems. ]

[ His eyes widen for a moment, not expecting that. Or maybe he was hoping for a different answer

He really thought he was done with these emotions, but here they are taking root again with just those words.

Turning his attention to the bandages around his chest. He can at least alleviate what guilt Ayabe might be harboring from stabbing the fox and him. ]

I thought you would be glad to get some peace after that.

[ Bandages are off. All that's there are the old scars that he's familiar with already. No gaping rusty sword holes or cuts. ]

I didn't get any peace. You made sure of that.

[ Making him regret and worry for all this time because he's DEAD.

Also, glitter. ]

[ Glitter was a distraction away from death. Can't kill if you're too busy ~~crying~~ cleaning.

The bandages are going to be placed on the desk. Turning around to let him check out his back in case he has any doubts. ]

There won't be peace this week, either. Blue is going to send us to the living side, but we'll still be ghosts.

[ Another week of being a ghost, Ayabe. ]

We just have today to rest.

[ It was a bad time being a ghost who was able to die all the same, he got none of the benefit from being a ghost. But, ugh. What rest, when there are so many THINGS happening and he can't just lie there on the bed and do nothing and hope things stop soon.

He sighs, though, and goes to sit on the bed instead of leaning against the desk any longer. ]

We'll see what tomorrow brings, then. Are you going to answer my question?

[ He was hoping to distract from that topic, but it seems like Ayabe really is set on it. Sighing as he turns to sit on the edge of the desk. ]

He has someone who will remind him of his humanity, while you have someone else you can take care of. There's no need for either of you to be tethered to me.

[ He's keeping his expression neutral as he says that. ]

Huh? Neither of us are "tethered" to you. I asked you to come because I worry about you and want to make sure you're okay.

[ It's less tether and more... him wanting to handcuff himself to Dazai so he doesn't go running off onto the train tracks or something. He already had to see Dazai die once; he doesn't want there to be a second time Dazai dies, because he was neglected. Even if Dazai says he wants to live- even if he earnestly means it- it's scary and hard to shake that worry. ]

Is it guilt, love, or your desire to take care of others?

[ Ayabe only has himself to blame about the "L" word in there.

Wrapping the bandages back around his midsection as he waits for Ayabe to answer. ]

[ Why is the "L" word there

He doesn't immediately reject it, though, just sort of looks off to the side for a moment, thoughtful. ]

...Does it have to be just one thing?

[ Cause someone had that in their letter. Something about being with a family that loves him. ]

No, you don't have to pick just one.

[ Once his bandages are secured again, he'll move to the bed to grab his shirt, while being closer to the other. ]

It's just easier to understand if it's guilt or your need to take care of others.

[ The whole he may have actually grown attached to Dazai enough to regret not spending time with him or to even write that letter is something that's foreign. ]

Or if I love you?

[ As if it's easier to understand if the reason is broken down to its simplest components, whatever they may be. But there's rarely ever one single reason for something like this. If there had to be just one, though, it would be this. ]

[ That's gay, Ayabe.

There's a noticeable pause in his actions before he slips his shirt back on. Already, he's trying to figure a way back out of this conversation. ]

Oh~ What's this? Don't you already have a boyfriend?

[ Shut up. There's a moment where it looks like he's about to deny it purely by reflex, but he can't bring himself to do it. Everybody was supposed to be blind and deaf and not know?? Dazai isn't supposed to be able to know. ]

Does that matter? You're an idiot if you believe the only love is romantic love.

[ there's also love! for family!! like his L word in the letter!! ]

[ It was on the screen and it was so embarrassing, Dazai felt a whole embarrassment at it.

He just sighs as he sits down next to Ayabe on the bed. ]

It might matter to me.

[ They might as well get this out of the way. ]

I don't know if I'm capable of that kind of love or any other.

[ STOP that's Ayabe's embarrassment, he's not sharing it. ]

That doesn't matter. Love doesn't have to be mutual, or equal... It can be something that grows over time too. I can love you, even if you don't love me back.

[ WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING LOVE ]

Is that so? What if I tell you I want to try kissing you?

[ THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT OKAY let him live ]

That's not going to do anything. You don't fall in love with somebody after you kiss them, that's backwards.

[ They are also! not talking! about that sort of love!! ]

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