Catchall: Ayabe

[shortfornow]

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[kazokun]

[ That already sounds stupid, and he shakes his head. ]

And nothing changed, right? It's just going to be like that, whether it's with me or with her.

[shortfornow]

Nothing changed with me, but she's new. You're someone I've slept beside and grown to trust.

[ In whatever this is. Friendship? ]

[kazokun]

...This is stupid. What are you going to do if you learn how to love after kissing me?

[ THIS SOUNDS MESSY. He doesn't want to be a part of this mess. ]

[shortfornow]

[ it's already messy.

there's a pause as he considers it before he just waves a hand. ]

I doubt it'll be possible.

[kazokun]

[ Terrible. ]

Close your eyes. Keep them closed.

[shortfornow]

[ There's a pause, before he does close his eyes.

Looks like he really does trust Reito if he's just doing what he days. ]

I'm not going to open them.

[kazokun]

[ Dazai is a fool.

There's a pause. The feeling of the bed shifting beneath him, then something warm and soft presses against his lips for a brief moment before pulling back.


I'm the homewrecker. It's me, sitting here, staring at my hands. ]

[shortfornow]

[ He brings a hand to his mouth for a moment or two. It's a lot softer than the accidental one.

Cracking his eye open as he peeks over at Ayabe to try to read how he feels. ]

It's much better than the other one.

[kazokun]

[ Being crashed into for a kiss sounds kind of painful actually, so it'd better be better. Ayabe, on his part, is sort of not looking at Dazai- until Dazai opens his eyes and there's a quick glance up while he bites back telling Dazai he never said he could open his eyes again. Keep them closed. Don't look at him. ]

What do you feel?

[shortfornow]

[ Just how earnest Ayabe is after all of that and the expression he's wearing is what actually does something. There's a pause before he just flops backwards on to bed. He's going to laugh, but it's not the usual mocking kind. It's something a lot more lighter and something Ayabe hasn't ever seen before. ]

Ah, I've been defeated just like that.

[ He says it more to himself. ]

I doubt I can love, but I do feel a little happy around you.

[ It's just like what he was saying while in Ayabe's arms when he was dying. Though he isn't sure how long those feelings will last or if there's any depth to them beyond the here and now. Does he want to risk it to find out? ]

[kazokun]

[ NO, WHY IS IT THE DOKI LAUGH

At least Dazai does him a solid and flops backwards so they don't have to look at each other, Ayabe left sitting there sort of just staring at his hands, now. ]

I have faith you can, someday. We found something that makes you happy, right? We'll find something that you love, too.

[shortfornow]

[ Because he's affection starved.

He lifts his hand for a moment before letting fall again. ]

You're making it sound like we're still going to be together in the future.

[kazokun]

Aren't we?

[ He's not even thinking "old men" future, at least let him have a "two days later" future, both are equally valid, Dazai, please ]

[shortfornow]

We are until this game is over with, then it'll depend on what happens with this house if we have a forever together or not.

[ He can have one week ]

[kazokun]

[ He will take that one week. ]

What will happen, huh... What do you think? Are you hopeful?

[ If they fail, they'll also be together forever ]

[shortfornow]

I don't know if I have any faith in everyone saving the day. This house has been doing it for a long time.

I don't want to be stuck like this for years though. This isn't the death I was hoping for.

[ He reaches over to grab the back of Ayabe's pajama shirt to tug him backwards. Lay down. ]

[kazokun]

[ Ayabe huffs a sigh and lies back down too, hands clasped over his stomach to stare at the ceiling. He did a lot of this in the past two weeks. ]

Something quick and painless?

[ Instead of... an endless existence as a house ghost. That's pretty much the opposite. ]

cw: suicide talk in case someone reads after unlocks

[shortfornow]

[ Rolling on to his side to look at him. ]

That's right. I want to be gone completely without any thoughts or feelings.

[kazokun]

[ That makes him frown. He already knows, but it still eats away at him, and he turns too so he can look at Dazai when he talks. ]

Are you scared? That if you have too much time... you'll regret?

[ That if he's given the time, he'll want desperately to live, just like the monster said. ]

[shortfornow]

No, I'm not afraid of that. If I find a reason to live or something that makes life interesting, then I'll give it a try.

If it winds up being just like the last couple of weeks where I'm left alone with my thoughts and everything feeling pointless again... That's what I hate the most.

[ Asch got the brunt of his bullying, but it wasn't quite the same. It's been boring there since all they can do is observe the living. ]

[kazokun]

[ And this is him trying, wanting that reason to live- he wrote in his letter that he wanted to and Ayabe doesn't want him to ever let that go. ]

Then, you should go home with me and Chuuya.

[ BULLY CHUUYA INSTEAD OF ASCH. If it's Dazai and Chuuya, he's sure it'll never be boring, and life will never feel pointless. And, as insurance- ]

Do you remember that girl back when you saw my memories? She's relentless. If I sic her on you, you'll never be left alone. It'll never be boring. I believe that much about her.

[ Where does Ayabe fit in all of this? haha idk. Chuuya and Mafuyu have everything handled. ]

[shortfornow]

[ He wants to do something with his hands, and after a moment he's going to just poke Ayabe's cheek.

There's a part of him that's a little excited that he can actually touch him again. It's probably has to do with how everything ended the last time. Dying in his arms actually felt warm. Any other reason is going to be ignored because they don't make sense. ]

Where do you fit in then? Aren't you the one who wanted to take care of me?

[kazokun]

[ Ayabe scrunches his nose, because he made this mistake of lying on his side unable to get up easily, but moves his hand to catch Dazai's wrist so he can STOP ]

I am taking care of you. I just said, I'll get you a puppy.

[shortfornow]

Are you referring to the girl or Chuuya?

[ He has two hands. The other is going to just snake under Ayabe's body to grab on to his back. Stay. ]

You said in your letter you regret not spending more time with me. We have time now, and if you manage to convince me, you'll have time with me later. Why are you pushing that time on others?

[kazokun]

Because—-

What are you doing!?

[ STOP THAT, DAZAI DOESN'T NEED TO GRAB HIM TO MAKE HIM STAY ]