Catchall: Ayabe

[shortfornow]

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[shortfornow]

Is it guilt, love, or your desire to take care of others?

[ Ayabe only has himself to blame about the "L" word in there.

Wrapping the bandages back around his midsection as he waits for Ayabe to answer. ]

[kazokun]

[ Why is the "L" word there

He doesn't immediately reject it, though, just sort of looks off to the side for a moment, thoughtful. ]

...Does it have to be just one thing?

[shortfornow]

[ Cause someone had that in their letter. Something about being with a family that loves him. ]

No, you don't have to pick just one.

[ Once his bandages are secured again, he'll move to the bed to grab his shirt, while being closer to the other. ]

It's just easier to understand if it's guilt or your need to take care of others.

[ The whole he may have actually grown attached to Dazai enough to regret not spending time with him or to even write that letter is something that's foreign. ]

[kazokun]

Or if I love you?

[ As if it's easier to understand if the reason is broken down to its simplest components, whatever they may be. But there's rarely ever one single reason for something like this. If there had to be just one, though, it would be this. ]

[shortfornow]

[ That's gay, Ayabe.

There's a noticeable pause in his actions before he slips his shirt back on. Already, he's trying to figure a way back out of this conversation. ]

Oh~ What's this? Don't you already have a boyfriend?

[kazokun]

[ Shut up. There's a moment where it looks like he's about to deny it purely by reflex, but he can't bring himself to do it. Everybody was supposed to be blind and deaf and not know?? Dazai isn't supposed to be able to know. ]

Does that matter? You're an idiot if you believe the only love is romantic love.

[ there's also love! for family!! like his L word in the letter!! ]

[shortfornow]

[ It was on the screen and it was so embarrassing, Dazai felt a whole embarrassment at it.

He just sighs as he sits down next to Ayabe on the bed. ]

It might matter to me.

[ They might as well get this out of the way. ]

I don't know if I'm capable of that kind of love or any other.

[kazokun]

[ STOP that's Ayabe's embarrassment, he's not sharing it. ]

That doesn't matter. Love doesn't have to be mutual, or equal... It can be something that grows over time too. I can love you, even if you don't love me back.

[shortfornow]

[ WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING LOVE ]

Is that so? What if I tell you I want to try kissing you?

[kazokun]

[ THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT OKAY let him live ]

That's not going to do anything. You don't fall in love with somebody after you kiss them, that's backwards.

[ They are also! not talking! about that sort of love!! ]

[shortfornow]

I know that. I thought it might not be bad to try it with someone who actually loves me instead of a silly game.

[ He's curious about what the big deal is.

Also any of these loves are something very ???? for him ]

[kazokun]

[ We are really doing this to Chuuya, huh ]

You kissed somebody during a game? What?

[shortfornow]

They kissed me. She was going to kiss my cheek but tripped.

[ It was stupid. Very stupid ]

[kazokun]

[ That already sounds stupid, and he shakes his head. ]

And nothing changed, right? It's just going to be like that, whether it's with me or with her.

[shortfornow]

Nothing changed with me, but she's new. You're someone I've slept beside and grown to trust.

[ In whatever this is. Friendship? ]

[kazokun]

...This is stupid. What are you going to do if you learn how to love after kissing me?

[ THIS SOUNDS MESSY. He doesn't want to be a part of this mess. ]

[shortfornow]

[ it's already messy.

there's a pause as he considers it before he just waves a hand. ]

I doubt it'll be possible.

[kazokun]

[ Terrible. ]

Close your eyes. Keep them closed.

[shortfornow]

[ There's a pause, before he does close his eyes.

Looks like he really does trust Reito if he's just doing what he days. ]

I'm not going to open them.

[kazokun]

[ Dazai is a fool.

There's a pause. The feeling of the bed shifting beneath him, then something warm and soft presses against his lips for a brief moment before pulling back.


I'm the homewrecker. It's me, sitting here, staring at my hands. ]

[shortfornow]

[ He brings a hand to his mouth for a moment or two. It's a lot softer than the accidental one.

Cracking his eye open as he peeks over at Ayabe to try to read how he feels. ]

It's much better than the other one.

[kazokun]

[ Being crashed into for a kiss sounds kind of painful actually, so it'd better be better. Ayabe, on his part, is sort of not looking at Dazai- until Dazai opens his eyes and there's a quick glance up while he bites back telling Dazai he never said he could open his eyes again. Keep them closed. Don't look at him. ]

What do you feel?

[shortfornow]

[ Just how earnest Ayabe is after all of that and the expression he's wearing is what actually does something. There's a pause before he just flops backwards on to bed. He's going to laugh, but it's not the usual mocking kind. It's something a lot more lighter and something Ayabe hasn't ever seen before. ]

Ah, I've been defeated just like that.

[ He says it more to himself. ]

I doubt I can love, but I do feel a little happy around you.

[ It's just like what he was saying while in Ayabe's arms when he was dying. Though he isn't sure how long those feelings will last or if there's any depth to them beyond the here and now. Does he want to risk it to find out? ]

[kazokun]

[ NO, WHY IS IT THE DOKI LAUGH

At least Dazai does him a solid and flops backwards so they don't have to look at each other, Ayabe left sitting there sort of just staring at his hands, now. ]

I have faith you can, someday. We found something that makes you happy, right? We'll find something that you love, too.

[shortfornow]

[ Because he's affection starved.

He lifts his hand for a moment before letting fall again. ]

You're making it sound like we're still going to be together in the future.