Catchall: Ayabe

[shortfornow]

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[kazokun]

[ STOP that's Ayabe's embarrassment, he's not sharing it. ]

That doesn't matter. Love doesn't have to be mutual, or equal... It can be something that grows over time too. I can love you, even if you don't love me back.

[shortfornow]

[ WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING LOVE ]

Is that so? What if I tell you I want to try kissing you?

[kazokun]

[ THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT OKAY let him live ]

That's not going to do anything. You don't fall in love with somebody after you kiss them, that's backwards.

[ They are also! not talking! about that sort of love!! ]

[shortfornow]

I know that. I thought it might not be bad to try it with someone who actually loves me instead of a silly game.

[ He's curious about what the big deal is.

Also any of these loves are something very ???? for him ]

[kazokun]

[ We are really doing this to Chuuya, huh ]

You kissed somebody during a game? What?

[shortfornow]

They kissed me. She was going to kiss my cheek but tripped.

[ It was stupid. Very stupid ]

[kazokun]

[ That already sounds stupid, and he shakes his head. ]

And nothing changed, right? It's just going to be like that, whether it's with me or with her.

[shortfornow]

Nothing changed with me, but she's new. You're someone I've slept beside and grown to trust.

[ In whatever this is. Friendship? ]

[kazokun]

...This is stupid. What are you going to do if you learn how to love after kissing me?

[ THIS SOUNDS MESSY. He doesn't want to be a part of this mess. ]

[shortfornow]

[ it's already messy.

there's a pause as he considers it before he just waves a hand. ]

I doubt it'll be possible.

[kazokun]

[ Terrible. ]

Close your eyes. Keep them closed.

[shortfornow]

[ There's a pause, before he does close his eyes.

Looks like he really does trust Reito if he's just doing what he days. ]

I'm not going to open them.

[kazokun]

[ Dazai is a fool.

There's a pause. The feeling of the bed shifting beneath him, then something warm and soft presses against his lips for a brief moment before pulling back.


I'm the homewrecker. It's me, sitting here, staring at my hands. ]

[shortfornow]

[ He brings a hand to his mouth for a moment or two. It's a lot softer than the accidental one.

Cracking his eye open as he peeks over at Ayabe to try to read how he feels. ]

It's much better than the other one.

[kazokun]

[ Being crashed into for a kiss sounds kind of painful actually, so it'd better be better. Ayabe, on his part, is sort of not looking at Dazai- until Dazai opens his eyes and there's a quick glance up while he bites back telling Dazai he never said he could open his eyes again. Keep them closed. Don't look at him. ]

What do you feel?

[shortfornow]

[ Just how earnest Ayabe is after all of that and the expression he's wearing is what actually does something. There's a pause before he just flops backwards on to bed. He's going to laugh, but it's not the usual mocking kind. It's something a lot more lighter and something Ayabe hasn't ever seen before. ]

Ah, I've been defeated just like that.

[ He says it more to himself. ]

I doubt I can love, but I do feel a little happy around you.

[ It's just like what he was saying while in Ayabe's arms when he was dying. Though he isn't sure how long those feelings will last or if there's any depth to them beyond the here and now. Does he want to risk it to find out? ]

[kazokun]

[ NO, WHY IS IT THE DOKI LAUGH

At least Dazai does him a solid and flops backwards so they don't have to look at each other, Ayabe left sitting there sort of just staring at his hands, now. ]

I have faith you can, someday. We found something that makes you happy, right? We'll find something that you love, too.

[shortfornow]

[ Because he's affection starved.

He lifts his hand for a moment before letting fall again. ]

You're making it sound like we're still going to be together in the future.

[kazokun]

Aren't we?

[ He's not even thinking "old men" future, at least let him have a "two days later" future, both are equally valid, Dazai, please ]

[shortfornow]

We are until this game is over with, then it'll depend on what happens with this house if we have a forever together or not.

[ He can have one week ]

[kazokun]

[ He will take that one week. ]

What will happen, huh... What do you think? Are you hopeful?

[ If they fail, they'll also be together forever ]

[shortfornow]

I don't know if I have any faith in everyone saving the day. This house has been doing it for a long time.

I don't want to be stuck like this for years though. This isn't the death I was hoping for.

[ He reaches over to grab the back of Ayabe's pajama shirt to tug him backwards. Lay down. ]

[kazokun]

[ Ayabe huffs a sigh and lies back down too, hands clasped over his stomach to stare at the ceiling. He did a lot of this in the past two weeks. ]

Something quick and painless?

[ Instead of... an endless existence as a house ghost. That's pretty much the opposite. ]

cw: suicide talk in case someone reads after unlocks

[shortfornow]

[ Rolling on to his side to look at him. ]

That's right. I want to be gone completely without any thoughts or feelings.

[kazokun]

[ That makes him frown. He already knows, but it still eats away at him, and he turns too so he can look at Dazai when he talks. ]

Are you scared? That if you have too much time... you'll regret?

[ That if he's given the time, he'll want desperately to live, just like the monster said. ]