Catchall: Ayabe

[shortfornow]

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[kazokun]

[ NO his hair is short enough that it's hard to keep messy anyways, and he just shakes his head to reset it and if he whacks Dazai's face with his bangs in the process he deserves it. ]

Is that the only reason? We can pretend it didn't happen.

[ He would be willing to wipe that kiss from his mind entirely ]

[shortfornow]

[ hair we are getting abused again ]

Reito is so heartless wanting to wipe my first normal kiss like that.

[ So rude.

He will get a little more serious as he finally moves away. ]

I can't play family with you, Reito. I'm not here to replace what you're missing nor do I want to.

[kazokun]

You're not replacing anything.

[ It's addition. He's collecting. ]

[shortfornow]

[ He doesn't want to be in a collection. He's too much of a dramatic binch to be in a sibling harem. ]

Are those the only categories for you? Family love and Chuuya?

[kazokun]

There's you?

[ Does Dazai want to be in his own category?? ]

It's not like I'm categorizing people, anyways.

[shortfornow]

[ Yes, Dazai wants to be in his own category. ]

You are~ You're trying to sibling zone everyone. [ A beat ] Or you're trying to separate yourself from everyone else.

[ Time to analyze Ayabe again ]

[kazokun]

[ His cute little siblings include people who are in their 20's, it's true, but he'll argue otherwise anyways. ]

I am not. I've made four whole friends here, Dazai.

[ He says it like it's such a huge number and that's because it is, it's four more than he was ever supposed to get in a place like this. ]

[shortfornow]

[ you can't mom everyone. ]

Do you consider them your equal? Would you let them take care of you if you were sick or crying?

[ also four whole friends is better than Dazai. Ken said he would like to consider them all friends but he's still ???? at Chuuya and Ayabe is slotting into ??? zone. ]

[kazokun]

[ The three of them can just be ??? to each other, it's fine.

He also frowns, because, lmao no. Whether he's the mom or the onii-chan, there is no equality. ]

If I'm sick or crying, I'm just going to stay in bed and hope nobody bothers me. There's no taking care of needed.

[shortfornow]

[ That's what he thought. ]

What if someone wants to see you sick or crying? What if it would make them happy to take care of you?

[ Dazai might be happy to bully while he's sick but he doesn't apply to this at all. ]

[kazokun]

Who the hell would wish ill will on somebody else just to be able to take care of them? Even I don't do that. You all get in trouble all on your own.

[ In that sort of way, this place has been great! Plenty of opportunity to fuss over people, while on the flip side, Ayabe's been taking relatively good care of himself for the first four solid weeks until Things Happened and he ended up dead. ]

[shortfornow]

[ Ayabe why is your brain like this. ]

I'm not talking about wishing ill on someone. I'm talking about if you would trust any of them with your vulnerable side.

[kazokun]

[ He may or may not have hit his head down five flights of stairs or something ]

That depends on how sick I am.

[ If he's sick enough he might not have a choice ]

[shortfornow]

For once, I feel bad for Chuuya.

[ Not his problem but there is something of a challenge there to get Ayabe to lower his guard that is kind of appealing. ]

What would you do if it held my interest to see you like that? That I might want to stick around to catch that side of you?

[kazokun]

[ HE HAS CRIED IN FRONT OF PEOPLE BEFORE he has cried a lot actually, it's just always in front of the same two people ]

Then you're just going to have to stick around forever, because that's how long you're going to have to wait.

[shortfornow]

Unfortunately for you, I'm not the type to wait around for something.

[ Sitting back on the edge of the bed as he thinks about it. ]

I'm also not the type to be taken care of without getting something out of it.

[kazokun]

[ Being taken care of is supposed to be that something. ]

So... what? You want me to eat something off the floor and get food poisoning just so you can see? I'm not doing it.

[shortfornow]

There's your mind going to strange places again.

[ Thinking for a moment before he turns towards Ayabe again. ]

Tell me about the night you were killed.

[kazokun]

[ Dazai: it's not like I wish you ill will
also Dazai: but please recount your traumatic death for me ]

I'm not going to cry talking about it, if that's what you're hoping. Do you want to know how I died? There's no point.

[shortfornow]

[ It's about baring yourself to the gremlin. There's nothing wrong with this at all ]

Walk me through it anyways and tell me what you felt. I'll even hold your hand if you want.

[ Wiggling his fingers at Ayabe. ]

[kazokun]

You don't have to.

[ He doesn't pull his hand away, though, it's just there. ]

I was in the blood room when the monster broke down the door. It was painful, as you could imagine.

[ He puts a hand on his stomach. This counts as what he felt. Pain. ]

[shortfornow]

[ You don't have to. Which is Ayabe talk for maybe he wants it. So he'll slide his fingers in-between Ayabe's. ]

I don't mean what you felt physically. Emotionally, Reito. Were you scared? You went up all of those stairs before getting to the blood room.

[ All of that climbing with a monster coming after him ]

[kazokun]

[ Dazai gets a look for holding his hand, but Ayabe still doesn't pull away. ]

Of course I was scared.

[ He's not like literally everybody else here who can face down a monster or get a limb torn off and barely even blink. Y'all are crazy. ]

I didn't know what to do. The monster had already killed Isaac, and I couldn't stay outside where Ken and Chuuya and Beau were, so I tried to reach Blue on the top floor. That was stupid of me. I've barely talked to the guy, so I should never have had hope he would help.

[shortfornow]

[ Let's be real, Dazai would be the only one okay with being chased down by a monster.

He's ignoring the look though as he listens. ]

You did what you could do. It seems like the house decided to play a little unfair that night, and let the monster kill more than one person. All the doors remain unlock until the night is over with.

[ A pause as he thinks about the image on the screen of Ayabe's body being looked over by Chuuya. His gaze lowers to his cheeks for a moment as he thinks about the dried tears that were there.

Maybe touching this topic was a bad idea after all. ]

[kazokun]

[ He did what he did, but it's always on hindsight where you look back and regret not doing more. He knows this, but that doesn't take the feeling away, the way his grip tightens in Dazai's and the way he looks away like he's just shrugging all this off instead of thinking about it. ]

It's not like the monster was "let" to kill both of us... It chased after Isaac, and later me as well. Just like a dog would instinctually chase after anything that moves. Maybe I should have found a place to hide instead, but I didn't want to go anywhere people might have slept.