[ Or when everyone is looping back emotions. ]
I wasn't really involved. I just watched and then poked fun of Chuuya.
[ Waving his hand. Don't give him any credit. ]
I wasn't really involved. I just watched and then poked fun of Chuuya.
[ Waving his hand. Don't give him any credit. ]
[ Ah. He'll look at him for a moment or two before just closing his eyes. It's a little easier when it's worded like that. ]
Alright alright, we found the culprit.
[ This we stuff is still new and exhausting tbh. Let's switch topics really quickly ]
So, how many siblings do you have?
Alright alright, we found the culprit.
[ This we stuff is still new and exhausting tbh. Let's switch topics really quickly ]
So, how many siblings do you have?
[ He looks taken aback for a moment, because he can't remember if he ever told Dazai about his siblings, not having much of a reason to bring them up on his own accord because when he thinks about them, all there is is sadness, guilt— immense fondness, but it's drowned out by the way he clams up a little, holding his breath. ]
Five younger siblings. Why? Somebody told you?
[ He can think of maybe three or four people who know, but there's no reason to talk about them behind Ayabe's back. ]
Five younger siblings. Why? Somebody told you?
[ He can think of maybe three or four people who know, but there's no reason to talk about them behind Ayabe's back. ]
[ That's a lot of feelings there why.
Sighing for a moment as he turns to face his body towards Ayabe ]
You told me. [ A beat. ] Well, your actions told me. You're used to fussing over others. [ Studying him carefully and not really concealing that he is doing do. It doesn't seem like there's grief or sorrow there. Just... Ayabe holding his breath and wondering if someone told him. Hm. ]
It's odd you haven't brought them up, which means it's likely not a happy topic for you. Did you disappoint your younger siblings?
Sighing for a moment as he turns to face his body towards Ayabe ]
You told me. [ A beat. ] Well, your actions told me. You're used to fussing over others. [ Studying him carefully and not really concealing that he is doing do. It doesn't seem like there's grief or sorrow there. Just... Ayabe holding his breath and wondering if someone told him. Hm. ]
It's odd you haven't brought them up, which means it's likely not a happy topic for you. Did you disappoint your younger siblings?
[ Sometimes you just have a lot of FEELINGS that you hold inside until you explode. It gets worse, being directly confronted like this and Ayabe leans back a little as if that would be enough to get himself out from under the microscope, but the only thing that would save him is getting up and walking away.
Like he did to his siblings, and the thought is enough to weight down on his head and make him look away. ]
If you can tell it's not a happy topic, why would I bring up my family?
[ Maybe if they talked about family stuff the first day as roommates Ayabe could immediately go "oh my god" because he ran away from his family while now he's surrounded by orphans. ]
Like he did to his siblings, and the thought is enough to weight down on his head and make him look away. ]
If you can tell it's not a happy topic, why would I bring up my family?
[ Maybe if they talked about family stuff the first day as roommates Ayabe could immediately go "oh my god" because he ran away from his family while now he's surrounded by orphans. ]
[ Hard knock life etc...
Noticing he skipped the question about disappointing. So that might be hitting the truth then. Interesting. ]
Besides your obsession, you seem rather normal. [ Closing his eyes as he leans back on the bed again. ]
So they are alive and you feel bad about them. Is it because you're here instead of at home?
[ Just going to keep asking shit for now. ]
Noticing he skipped the question about disappointing. So that might be hitting the truth then. Interesting. ]
Besides your obsession, you seem rather normal. [ Closing his eyes as he leans back on the bed again. ]
So they are alive and you feel bad about them. Is it because you're here instead of at home?
[ Just going to keep asking shit for now. ]
[ WOW he looks like he wants to argue and deny this obsession, but he also just put away Dazai's shoes so what can he do ]
Why wouldn't they be alive?
[ His life is so painfully normal, there's no way he would even fathom some freak accident where all five of his siblings were suddenly killed. But there's some relief, though, when Dazai gives him a prompt instead of making him talk all on his own, and he takes it. ]
And of course I would rather get out of here and be at- at home. Wouldn't anybody?
Why wouldn't they be alive?
[ His life is so painfully normal, there's no way he would even fathom some freak accident where all five of his siblings were suddenly killed. But there's some relief, though, when Dazai gives him a prompt instead of making him talk all on his own, and he takes it. ]
And of course I would rather get out of here and be at- at home. Wouldn't anybody?
[ Looks like he finally found a use for these pesky links with others. He can tell the other is grabbing on to his suggestion, which also says something. He's pondering on exactly what that says, but he'll answer the first statement. ]
You never know the circumstances of those around you.
[ Offering a lift of his shoulders as he opens his eye to look at the other again. ]
It's more than that. You would have mentioned them if it was just that. It seems like normally you can't see them- [ A pause as something else clicks in place. ] Oh. That's how it is.
You never know the circumstances of those around you.
[ Offering a lift of his shoulders as he opens his eye to look at the other again. ]
It's more than that. You would have mentioned them if it was just that. It seems like normally you can't see them- [ A pause as something else clicks in place. ] Oh. That's how it is.
[ Why is he being psychoanalyzed AAAAAA
Ayabe's not even good at understanding people or being aware of things on a normal basis and the link doesn't help him understand Dazai at all, just the curiosity and the probing and the little aha! when Dazai says "oh" and Ayabe scowls in return. ]
Cut the bullshit, Dazai, and don't make assumptions about my life. My family isn't relevant to anybody but myself, so just drop it.
[ The anxiety creeps up a little, but also frustration— and that frustration is directed inwards at himself than out at Dazai. His family problems are his own problems and nobody can help, that's what he believes and so he shuts down the avenue for talking about it right away, it wouldn't help anything. ]
Ayabe's not even good at understanding people or being aware of things on a normal basis and the link doesn't help him understand Dazai at all, just the curiosity and the probing and the little aha! when Dazai says "oh" and Ayabe scowls in return. ]
Cut the bullshit, Dazai, and don't make assumptions about my life. My family isn't relevant to anybody but myself, so just drop it.
[ The anxiety creeps up a little, but also frustration— and that frustration is directed inwards at himself than out at Dazai. His family problems are his own problems and nobody can help, that's what he believes and so he shuts down the avenue for talking about it right away, it wouldn't help anything. ]
[ Watching him for a moment or two longer, just feeling out that link for a moment before he gives a light wave of his hand. ]
They are a big part as to why you're you. I'll drop it though.
[ What he'll feel from Dazai after that is something like a keen interest for a moment before it turns into something calmer. There's a distinct lack of any other normal emotions. ]
They are a big part as to why you're you. I'll drop it though.
[ What he'll feel from Dazai after that is something like a keen interest for a moment before it turns into something calmer. There's a distinct lack of any other normal emotions. ]
[ Ayabe never figured anything out about 45 or Melt or Luna, but he is now convinced that Dazai is a robot.
He's quiet for a moment, shifting uneasily on his seat on the bed, because him being him isn't important at all either. Just a normal boy with no special qualities who is in over his head if he thinks he can be of any use fighting monsters or solving mysteries. That should be enough for people, without needing to dig any deeper. ]
Why do you care? The most important things about people are already listed on their placards- jobs, and skills. Those are the sorts of things you should care about more.
He's quiet for a moment, shifting uneasily on his seat on the bed, because him being him isn't important at all either. Just a normal boy with no special qualities who is in over his head if he thinks he can be of any use fighting monsters or solving mysteries. That should be enough for people, without needing to dig any deeper. ]
Why do you care? The most important things about people are already listed on their placards- jobs, and skills. Those are the sorts of things you should care about more.
[ That is probably an insult to robots, especially since Luna seems to actually care about people. ]
Jobs and skills hardly state what kind of personality someone has or how they will act in a crisis. [ There's a pause here. ] Or more accurately how someone will act if they are possessed by a monster.
Besides, we've been living together all of this time. Might as well know more about you.
Jobs and skills hardly state what kind of personality someone has or how they will act in a crisis. [ There's a pause here. ] Or more accurately how someone will act if they are possessed by a monster.
Besides, we've been living together all of this time. Might as well know more about you.
[ Ayabe makes a bit of a face, because he thought jobs and skills would tell you just that. A look at his profile says he's a student council member and dorm manager— in a normal crisis like a fire or earthquake, he's trained to prioritize others, keep everybody calm and organized, and lead them to safety.
Monsters, though, he couldn't tell anything at all, being with Hunter the night before he killed and the night after and there was no difference, everything carried on as normal. ]
Everything you need to know about me is on the wall. I'm a student, I keep my head down and I'm not involved in anything special like all those other guys out there. Not like you. A member of the mafia?
Monsters, though, he couldn't tell anything at all, being with Hunter the night before he killed and the night after and there was no difference, everything carried on as normal. ]
Everything you need to know about me is on the wall. I'm a student, I keep my head down and I'm not involved in anything special like all those other guys out there. Not like you. A member of the mafia?
[ That's because Ayabe is like that. ]
Your placard makes it sound like you're just a student who is independent and possibly living alone.
It shares nothing of your other quirks like... [ Dazai is just going to run his fingers through his own messy hair, showing off some of the shorter, uneven bits of hair around where the bandages wrap around. Look how messy and uneven. ]
How you probably still want to trim my hair. If you committed a crime, it would probably be super clean and you would probably scrub yourself raw to make sure there isn't any blood on you.
[ Then there's a moment of ! from Dazai as he sits up quickly. Putting his chin on his hand as he plants his elbow down on his leg. ]
What can you gain from just my placard alone? You know I'm part of the mafia. What else can you figure out about me?
Your placard makes it sound like you're just a student who is independent and possibly living alone.
It shares nothing of your other quirks like... [ Dazai is just going to run his fingers through his own messy hair, showing off some of the shorter, uneven bits of hair around where the bandages wrap around. Look how messy and uneven. ]
How you probably still want to trim my hair. If you committed a crime, it would probably be super clean and you would probably scrub yourself raw to make sure there isn't any blood on you.
[ Then there's a moment of ! from Dazai as he sits up quickly. Putting his chin on his hand as he plants his elbow down on his leg. ]
What can you gain from just my placard alone? You know I'm part of the mafia. What else can you figure out about me?
[ UGH. Yeah, there's still that visceral reaction to wanting to cut Dazai's hair when he does that, and Ayabe would be the most obvious murderer in this place because there would be no clues, the mansion would be spotless and nobody would need to figure out how things happened because they already know the who. ]
You're a dick, but I didn't get that off the placard.
[ He got that off Chuuya drawing on the plate outside the room, and Chuuya wasn't wrong. But he does decide to humor Dazai, going over to the closet where he throws his used notebooks to find the one with people's profiles written on them, flipping through until he finds Dazai's.
The first thing he points at is what's written just under his name: "I've come to think it's worth trying." ]
You're unmotivated, unless you find something personally interesting. But you're not stupid- you're like those students who are naturally gifted, so you don't put forth any effort at all and instead you're disruptive in class.
You're a dick, but I didn't get that off the placard.
[ He got that off Chuuya drawing on the plate outside the room, and Chuuya wasn't wrong. But he does decide to humor Dazai, going over to the closet where he throws his used notebooks to find the one with people's profiles written on them, flipping through until he finds Dazai's.
The first thing he points at is what's written just under his name: "I've come to think it's worth trying." ]
You're unmotivated, unless you find something personally interesting. But you're not stupid- you're like those students who are naturally gifted, so you don't put forth any effort at all and instead you're disruptive in class.
[ He can guess where he's got it. There's something like amusement for a moment. Then he'll look at what he's pointing at.
Ah, those words. He almost forgot those were on his placard. ]
Continue continue~ I'll let you know how you did after you go through the whole thing.
Ah, those words. He almost forgot those were on his placard. ]
Continue continue~ I'll let you know how you did after you go through the whole thing.
[ Hmm. He skips through some of the stats, because all that tells him is that Dazai's younger than him but is around the same height and weight. ]
I'm inclined not to believe "Member of Port Mafia" only because of your age, but then it says "Chuuya's owner" and it feels like I can take everything else on the placard to be written from your point of view, with your personality. As in, taking everything with a grain of salt and not literally. For my own sanity, I shouldn't be taking you literally or seriously all the time either.
[ Maybe Port Mafia is some high school delinquent gang?? That would be more in line with what Ayabe is familiar with, high school punks. ]
I'm inclined not to believe "Member of Port Mafia" only because of your age, but then it says "Chuuya's owner" and it feels like I can take everything else on the placard to be written from your point of view, with your personality. As in, taking everything with a grain of salt and not literally. For my own sanity, I shouldn't be taking you literally or seriously all the time either.
[ Maybe Port Mafia is some high school delinquent gang?? That would be more in line with what Ayabe is familiar with, high school punks. ]
[ Just going to stare for a moment or two before letting out a huff that almost sounds like a laugh. There is definitely amusement there. ]
Bzzz. Wrong. It would be different if it was written by my point of view. I wouldn't have used that particular quote and I wouldn't have called myself his owner. He is supposed to work under me. We're both members of the Mafia. You know, the group that smuggles in weapons and shoot each other up with guns.
Bzzz. Wrong. It would be different if it was written by my point of view. I wouldn't have used that particular quote and I wouldn't have called myself his owner. He is supposed to work under me. We're both members of the Mafia. You know, the group that smuggles in weapons and shoot each other up with guns.
[ That's a story that will make him cry even more ]
I'm the one who recruited him after I joined up.
[ Recruited or push some dominoes until Chuuya was given little choice but to join. Same difference. ]
While most of the organization is full of adults, we also have members that are younger than we are.
I'm the one who recruited him after I joined up.
[ Recruited or push some dominoes until Chuuya was given little choice but to join. Same difference. ]
While most of the organization is full of adults, we also have members that are younger than we are.
[ look... ]
I know it's dangerous. That's why it's appealing towards someone like me. While Chuuya has his own reasons for joining.
[ Reasons outside of Dazai trapping him into it actually. That's for his partner to share though. ]
I know it's dangerous. That's why it's appealing towards someone like me. While Chuuya has his own reasons for joining.
[ Reasons outside of Dazai trapping him into it actually. That's for his partner to share though. ]
Cw: Suicide idealization light???? I can change this if you need me to
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shortfornow
2020-03-09 03:15 am (UTC)(link)
It's not just the danger. Working with Chuuya made me realize that working so close to death and raw emotions makes life actually interesting. [ A pause as he taps the quote Ayabe wrote down. ]
In that moment, life was worth living.
In that moment, life was worth living.
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