[ That's when he realizes that Chuuya definitely saw all of that. It takes a moment longer as he processes what the other is saying and tries to figure out why he's saying that. Did he feel like he needed to boost up Dazai? Make him feel better after that moment?
Then something more serious settles on Dazai's expression. ]
[Maybe. It's hard to tell. Chuuya just knows that he hates it when people see him for just his potential as Arahabaki's vessel, so maybe Dazai dislikes being seen as a tool too.]
Even if it was, you wouldn't be thinking about it now if it wasn't bothering you, right?
[ This is brushing something that he usually keeps tempered down. Buried under the darkness and everything else. The look he gives Chuuya is something he might not have seen often because Chuuya is interesting, even if at times annoying. It's a look devoid of light and any kind of hope. ]
Back then I was foolish enough to still have hope that maybe someone would save me. I know better now.
[ He's moving away after those words to head towards the pile of blankets and pillows. ]
[He should say no. He really should say no to that.
Luckily a memory happens and completely interrupts his train of thought!
The night seems darker with all of the lights in the area extinguished. So much damage has been done that there just isn't a way to power anything in the area anymore. And with how deep the crater is, it's difficult to see the rest of the city lights as well. All that exists of the world outside of the crater is a haze in the distance, and the bright moon overhead.
It's full, and impossible to look away from. No other thought enters his mind at the moment. He barely notices the sirens or the shouting, or the cries of those who weren't immediately killed by the blast.
All he sees is the moon, and he's left with a sense of wonder.
'Am I awake now? This can't be a dream anymore, right?'
To anyone else, he's a lost child who somehow survived a cataclysmic disaster. But to himself, he is the holder of great power, the waking of a consciousness that had been slumbering for a long, long time.
[ That's quite the memory. He's seen how the crater looks after that moment, but never seen what it looked like at that time. There's almost something beautiful about it, because it's when Chuuya became Chuuya amidst all of that destruction.
It's when Chuuya saw the night sky for the first time. That sense of wonder is something foreign for him, and he can't help feel a tiny bit envious that his partner- or whatever he is, could actually feel such things.
Looking at the other for a moment before he waves for him to come join him on the blanket pillow pile. For once, he's quiet though. ]
[ Dazai just keeps pulling him around. Once he's settled down, he's grabbing one of the blankets to pull it over them both. He tries to look like a gremlin as he does, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes like it usually does. Time to make their own blanket fort, but maybe after whatever it is passes.
It's weird to be considerate especially to Chuuya, but... he knows this might be touching something vulnerable in the red head. ]
[ It's like a cloth hug from your rival. He's keeping his hands on the blanket, because he doesn't know what to even do with them.
Walk around for a bit in all of that though. Chuuya had to physically seven at the time and new to all the things. He was probably with the Sheep or at least the original members for a while, which explains why he was loyal or even let them use him.
Letting go of the blanket to put a hand on Chuuya's shoulder. He isn't sure how to hug yet or is even sure if that's what he wants to do in this moment. He has no regret at all for pushing the dominoes that ended with Chuuya in the Mafia. But they were important and he can tell Chuuya might want some measure of comfort or affection here. ]
Do you ever regret being brought out from the darkness?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 04:15 am (UTC)Then something more serious settles on Dazai's expression. ]
You do know that was over a year ago.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 04:55 am (UTC)Even if it was, you wouldn't be thinking about it now if it wasn't bothering you, right?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-10 09:19 pm (UTC)Back then I was foolish enough to still have hope that maybe someone would save me. I know better now.
[ He's moving away after those words to head towards the pile of blankets and pillows. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 12:18 am (UTC)[What even is with that look? Chuuya just doesn't understand why there's that much darkness in Dazai. Did he really see that much in a year?]
Are you saying you want someone to take you away from the mafia?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 12:22 am (UTC)Maybe before I did. Now I intend on seeing where this path will take me.
[ It's fine. He's fine. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 12:51 am (UTC)If you don't find what you're looking for, then you should leave the mafia. It's not a place for people to half-ass commitment.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 01:07 am (UTC)[ Largely because he wants to pick his subordinates but also because it'll be a good place to make sure he's close to death. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-11 05:05 am (UTC)[Because he wants those files.]
Let's see who can get it first, then.
gimme memory
Date: 2020-03-11 06:41 pm (UTC)Oh? Maybe we should make it interesting then. Whomever gets it first gets the other as an underling.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-12 12:38 am (UTC)Luckily a memory happens and completely interrupts his train of thought!
The night seems darker with all of the lights in the area extinguished. So much damage has been done that there just isn't a way to power anything in the area anymore. And with how deep the crater is, it's difficult to see the rest of the city lights as well. All that exists of the world outside of the crater is a haze in the distance, and the bright moon overhead.
It's full, and impossible to look away from. No other thought enters his mind at the moment. He barely notices the sirens or the shouting, or the cries of those who weren't immediately killed by the blast.
All he sees is the moon, and he's left with a sense of wonder.
'Am I awake now? This can't be a dream anymore, right?'
To anyone else, he's a lost child who somehow survived a cataclysmic disaster. But to himself, he is the holder of great power, the waking of a consciousness that had been slumbering for a long, long time.
He is Chuuya. And he exists now.
What a memory to share, huh?]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-12 03:01 am (UTC)It's when Chuuya saw the night sky for the first time. That sense of wonder is something foreign for him, and he can't help feel a tiny bit envious that his partner- or whatever he is, could actually feel such things.
Looking at the other for a moment before he waves for him to come join him on the blanket pillow pile. For once, he's quiet though. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-12 03:21 am (UTC)Seeing memories of the past like that really suck, and he could use being in an enclosed space for a bit to calm down.]
That was the first thing I ever saw, you know.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-12 03:42 am (UTC)It's weird to be considerate especially to Chuuya, but... he knows this might be touching something vulnerable in the red head. ]
What did you do after that?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-13 04:04 am (UTC)Part of Chuuya wants to shove Dazai away. But part of him actually wants the physical comfort, and Dazai is there, so...]
Walked around for a bit, until I found the Sheep. It's not like I sprang to life knowing everything, I was just a confused kid back then.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-13 08:38 pm (UTC)Walk around for a bit in all of that though. Chuuya had to physically seven at the time and new to all the things. He was probably with the Sheep or at least the original members for a while, which explains why he was loyal or even let them use him.
Letting go of the blanket to put a hand on Chuuya's shoulder. He isn't sure how to hug yet or is even sure if that's what he wants to do in this moment. He has no regret at all for pushing the dominoes that ended with Chuuya in the Mafia. But they were important and he can tell Chuuya might want some measure of comfort or affection here. ]
Do you ever regret being brought out from the darkness?